<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" ><generator uri="https://jekyllrb.com/" version="3.10.0">Jekyll</generator><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" /><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/" rel="alternate" type="text/html" /><updated>2026-04-03T09:48:17+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/feed.xml</id><title type="html">SHERRY’S BLOG</title><subtitle>Possible Lives</subtitle><entry><title type="html">为什么孩子不需要你事无巨细的指导</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2026/04/02/guide.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="为什么孩子不需要你事无巨细的指导" /><published>2026-04-02T11:45:00+00:00</published><updated>2026-04-02T11:45:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2026/04/02/guide</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2026/04/02/guide.html"><![CDATA[<p>过度指导，是大人在弱小的孩子身上寻求优越感和存在感的一种表现。</p>

<p>这么说会让很多父母感到委屈。这是因为，这种心理投射是完全无意识的，并且掩盖在“负责任”的社会期待与自我说辞之下。</p>

<p>理性的大人应该充分审视做事的深层动机。如果父母自己在成长中得不到尊重，在生活中缺乏存在感，就很容易从孩子身上要这些东西，这是人的本能。</p>

<p>孩子是一片白纸，不像有自主意识的大人，你可以在他的脑子里画任何图案，这就是为什么你觉得孩子“好玩”。想培养一个人格健全的孩子，父母首先自己要成长为一个健全的人格。</p>

<p>孩子在做任何事的时候，需要的是陪伴和引导，而不是指导。大人需要克制自己呼之欲出的表现欲。</p>

<p>我们讨厌“爹味十足”的人，就是讨厌指导欲太强的人。孩子无法表达不满，只能将这种“侵犯”内化，最后发展出缺乏自主性的人格——“既然什么都要按你说的来，那我干脆摆烂不干了。”</p>

<p>这是孩子无奈的选择，它的本质不是成长，而是退缩。因为成长理应是自主意识得到不断强化的过程。</p>

<p>缺乏自主性和内在动机，是生存和成功的重大障碍。我们甚至可以残忍地说，这样的孩子养废了。他在成年后需要付出巨大的代价才可能找回一点点自主性。这样的伤害基本上是不可逆的。</p>

<p>就像每天上班，每一样活都被安排好，你喜欢这样的安排吗？每做一件事步骤都要被评价和指正，你会喜欢这种“指点江山”吗？你不喜欢上班的原因，也是孩子内心世界的真实写照。</p>

<p>这种事无巨细的安排和指导，会让人失去主见、失去生机和活力。最后，留下父母在原地纳闷“付出”了这么多，为什么我的孩子成了这样。</p>

<p>生存让大脑每时每刻都在寻求安全感，安全感的一个来源是确定感。对于那些生活失控的大人，更容易从身边寻求确定感。</p>

<p>如果孩子每件事每个细节都按照父母的要求来，会让大人觉得生活似乎还在被掌控着。很多时候，这种缓解“不确定性”的模式，是很多人生活的支点。</p>

<p>我并没有指责任何一个这样行事的父母，这一切不过是无意识的本能行事。对于疲于奔命的父母，根本无暇调用“昂贵”的前额皮质，来对生活进行有意识的干预。</p>

<p>归根结底，事无巨细的指导既耗费了大人宝贵的精力，又夺走了孩子的生命力和自主性，最后给亲子关系埋下了巨大的鸿沟。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[过度指导，是大人在弱小的孩子身上寻求优越感和存在感的一种表现。]]></summary></entry><entry><title type="html">你的孩子不需要任何人的认可</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2026/03/27/suck-up.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="你的孩子不需要任何人的认可" /><published>2026-03-27T11:45:00+00:00</published><updated>2026-03-27T11:45:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2026/03/27/suck-up</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2026/03/27/suck-up.html"><![CDATA[<p>从小到大，我们一直在被训练一项技能：寻求认可。来自父母的认可，来自老师的认可，来自八杆子打不着的亲戚的认可。</p>

<p>“你要乖/你要表现好/你要得到表扬，这样就可以得到好吃的/好玩的。”</p>

<p>在一次次这样的对话和实践中，孩子通过“寻求认可”来获得物质和安全感。这样的正反馈不断强化，像本能一样嵌在我们的神经里。</p>

<p>这一神经回路是如此强大，等你长大之后会发现，<mark>那种想要被认可的感觉，始终像吊绳一样勒着你的喉咙，把你悬在空中。</mark>可是，绳子的那端其实空无一物，巨大的缺失像幻肢一样清晰，像幽灵一样如影随从。</p>

<p>当你的动力来源于他者的认可，你就活成了自己的奴隶。这让我们没有办法为自己学习，为自己工作，为自己生活。</p>

<p>这样的本末倒置，会严重损坏一个人的工作与生活，影响一个人的心理健康和人际关系。</p>

<p>被“认可”喂大的孩子，无法为自己工作，他总在寻求某个标准、某种意图，总在忽略自己的「想法」和「想要」。</p>

<p>想要被认可的心态，会让你做任何事情，都要努力求证是否理解/符合了“大家的意思”，而无法相信自己的感受和思考。</p>

<p>想要被认可，让你在人际关系中失去自我，讨好他人。习惯把“他人的认可”当作行动的标准和动力，久而久之，这样的关系只会两败俱伤，无法健康长久。</p>

<p>我们该如何鼓励自己的孩子呢？</p>

<p>当我们在说“达到某个条件就得到什么”的时候，开口前的“每个条件”都应该仔细斟酌。<mark>我们说出口的条件，是否有利于强化孩子日后真正需要的技能。</mark>比如，管理情绪的能力，延迟满足的能力。</p>

<p>如果我们想要培养孩子从小觉察情绪的能力，就在他某次表达出自己情绪的时候给予奖励；如果我们想要培养孩子对挫折的忍受力，就在他努力面对难题的时候给予回报。</p>

<p>对弱小的孩子来说，他的生存完全仰赖父母的“施舍”，他的注意力全放在父母这儿，他的神经时刻都在确认环境是否安全。因此，你对他说的每句话，都将对他的神经产生巨大的冲击。</p>

<p>当你对孩子说，“得到幼儿园老师的表扬，就带你去哪儿玩”的时候，无形中在教他“如何通过讨好得到好处”。久而久之，除了讨好与表现，他不知道该如何面对这个世界。</p>

<p>那些对知识的渴望，对世界的好奇，对生命的热情，都将离孩子的内心越来越远，而这些才是“真正的成功”所必备的条件。</p>

<p>你的孩子不需要任何人的认可。你也不需要。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[从小到大，我们一直在被训练一项技能：寻求认可。来自父母的认可，来自老师的认可，来自八杆子打不着的亲戚的认可。]]></summary></entry><entry><title type="html">为什么不幸的婚姻那么多？</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/23/marriage2.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="为什么不幸的婚姻那么多？" /><published>2025-10-23T03:38:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-10-23T03:38:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/23/marriage2</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/23/marriage2.html"><![CDATA[<p><img src="/images/2025/marriage.jpg" alt="cover" /></p>

<p>不幸的婚姻就像一口腌菜缸，两个人被时间腌在一起，用一种叫痛苦的盐，爱随着水份从身体里抽干。</p>

<p>幸福的婚姻应该是「亲密而自在」的。它意味着两个完全真实的人的完全真实的接触，是打破自恋和自我防卫的一种途径。</p>

<p>婚姻的意义，不在于荷尔蒙，不在于经济和育儿，不在于照应彼此的一颦一笑，而在于接近更真实的灵魂，并在彼此的灵魂中看见真实世界的模样。</p>

<p>我们每个人都是生而残缺的。从小到大，在家庭、学校、社会和集体潜意识的作用下，我们被浇灌出各式各样的“出厂设定”。</p>

<p>男性被要求附身“男子汉气概”，压抑身而为人的脆弱与情感，与“女性化”和“娘娘腔”划清界限，否则就会无法融入社会，也无法产生自我认同。</p>

<p>女性被鼓励发扬“女性气质”，更关注外貌和身材。在各种明示和暗示下，将欲望和野心视为一种“特殊的存在”。更容易将情绪向内收敛，压抑愤怒等攻击性情绪。</p>

<p>这些传统的性别底色，是历史的长河中为解决某些社会问题沉淀下来的心理印痕和路径依赖。它是一种看似“行得通”的男女相处模式，是一个妥协和牺牲的产物。</p>

<p>这些压抑/回避/舍弃的情愫，会淤积成意识无法抵达的“心理死角”，便最终化身为一个具体的人格，一个完美的“另一半形象”。</p>

<p>当男人和女人在寻求各自“对的人”的时候，往往被对方身上自己缺失的那部分特质吸引，感受到压抑的人格被完美地展现，于是触发“心动”，并逐渐形成深层的心理依赖。</p>

<p>当这两人怀着美好和英雄主义的愿望生活在一起的时候，他们之间隔着两种完全不同的思维方式和情绪处理模式、两个完全不同的成长环境、以及完美面具下被压抑的真实心理需求。</p>

<p>这里的荒谬之处在于，如果你一开始是个“完整的人”，就不会有人吸引你。如果你一直是个“不完整的人”，也很难拥有亲密自在的婚姻关系。</p>

<p>没有人能一直完美演绎对方心中的空缺。当最初的面具被卸下，时间留下的除了乏味，还有因不适引发的厌恶。</p>

<p>一些典型的家庭矛盾，比如妻子嫌弃丈夫无能，或丈夫埋怨妻子无知。这其实是男女双方在社会文化的影响下共同铸就的“角色困境”。</p>

<p>很多女性心中连接自我和世界的欲望，常常被无意识地压抑在性别角色里。这种压抑和逃避，有些是自己思想上的牢笼，有些是现实存在的困境。</p>

<p>它们化身为某种力量隐藏在家庭这道屏障后面，以间接的方式投射到丈夫身上，以“管老公”的方式展现到现实生活中来。</p>

<p>如果这股原始力量足够强大，而她又无法跳出思想的牢笼和现实的困境，男人就会成为女人与世界交锋的夹板，并最终受不了这个“木偶人”的角色。女人也会因男人无法满足她的野心而嫌弃丈夫“无能”。</p>

<p>“强势的妻子”之所以听起来更有“故事性”，是因为人们对冰山露出的部分更猎奇。愿意削足适履贴合丈夫心理空缺的妻子，日后往往因“削足”而被埋怨不完整。这种矛盾、扭曲和拉扯让双方走进一个越来越闭塞的“死胡同”。</p>

<p>这里面没有所谓的对错，这一切都发生在潜意识下。他们都不曾察觉，并深信自己是无辜和受伤的。</p>

<p>当男女双方因缺失而被角色捆绑在一起的时候，不管是“女强男弱”，还是“男强女弱”，还是彼此间相互制约，都不是一段自由舒展的健康关系。</p>

<p>只有通过原本缺失的「另一半」，看见自身存在的局限，并不断成长找回真正完整的自己，才是婚姻关系的出口，也是婚姻存在的真正意义。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[]]></summary><media:thumbnail xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/marriage.jpg" /><media:content medium="image" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/marriage.jpg" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" /></entry><entry><title type="html">禅与山芋梗撕剥艺术</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/15/meditation.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="禅与山芋梗撕剥艺术" /><published>2025-10-15T05:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-10-15T05:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/15/meditation</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/15/meditation.html"><![CDATA[<p>有一本书叫《禅与摩托车维修艺术》，我在撕山芋梗的时候，就想到了它。</p>

<p>山芋梗是我爱吃的一道菜，不过撕起来特别费事。每次看到菜摊上摆出来的一袋袋撕好的山芋梗，我就觉得那都是“时间的金子”。</p>

<p>撕山芋梗与禅有什么关系呢。无意识地浪费时间很常见，有意识地浪费时间就是大师了。你看那些禅师打坐，敲木鱼、念佛珠，都是活在时间里，与意念周璇。</p>

<p>我感觉，他们才是时间的朋友，而我们大多数人都是时间的奴隶，因为我连每天 10 分钟的冥想都做不到。</p>

<p>活在当下，活在摩托车的修理中，活在撕山芋梗的时间里，活在每一粒念珠的质感和每一次木鱼的回响里，都是幸福的时刻。</p>

<p>我当然不是假惺惺地要提倡放下红尘，或者拥趸现今的“躺平哲学”。我只是想打开一个对抗烦闷、焦虑和痛苦的思路。你也可以把它当成一种让大脑休息的方式。</p>

<p>多数的痛苦都源于念头，而斩断思绪的一种可能，就是去关注脑子以外的东西，比如呼吸和身体，比如颜色、温度、声音、质感、气味。</p>

<p>如果我们不断压缩幸福的条件，最后会剩下三样东西：健康的身体、足够维生的钱、和想做的事。你当然可以拥有更多东西和更精彩的人生，但对幸福来说，这三样东西已经是缺一不可、不能再少了。</p>

<p>这看起来似乎不难达到，但不幸之多，是因为这里面埋了一个坑——在“足够维生的钱”和“想做的事”之间往往横着一道沟。</p>

<p>通过雇佣的方式维持生计，往往很难保证“在做想做的事”。这是因为，当工作可以被量化外包给他人的时候，往往是可重复的、缺乏创造性和成就感的、以及服务他人意识的。</p>

<p>哪怕不是通过雇佣，但需要与他人产生强关联的工作，往往也是需要妥协于他人意识的。</p>

<p>然而，对普通人来说，从事自己真正想做和完全可控的事，往往意味着需要承担巨大的风险，这还是在“知道自己想做什么”的前提下。</p>

<p>人在社会化的过程中，随着社会角色的层层加码和角色带来的人格面具，会离自己的感受越来远。当社会化到一个程度，会逐渐异化到不知道自己是谁，不知道自己想干什么，不知道自己存在的意义。</p>

<p>抑郁很可能在这个时候产生。不过，抑郁也没什么好可怕的，它不过是内心矛盾达到了极点，强制大脑停下来思考的一种手段，也是认识自我的一个很好的机会。</p>

<p>除去 water、shelter、food 之外，人类的所有活动几乎都是为了缓解「无聊」。什么是不无聊，什么是幸福，什么是意义，什么是公序良俗，什么是礼坏乐崩。我们都是活在大脑拼凑出来的概念世界里。</p>

<p>这些概念有哪些是别人强加给我们的，哪些是经过生活检验过的，我们敢不敢在感到“别扭”的时候打碎自己，敢不敢直面真实世界的不确定和一片混沌。</p>

<p>如果我们没有像核心肌一样的内在稳定的结构支持，就不可能有能力享受自由。因为自由意味着这一系列的矛盾与虚无，它会拖垮你的执行力、专注力和生活的秩序。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[有一本书叫《禅与摩托车维修艺术》，我在撕山芋梗的时候，就想到了它。]]></summary></entry><entry><title type="html">我们该如何掌控自己的情绪？</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/09/emotion.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="我们该如何掌控自己的情绪？" /><published>2025-10-09T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-10-09T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/09/emotion</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/10/09/emotion.html"><![CDATA[<p><img src="/images/2025/emotion.jpg" alt="cover" /></p>

<h2 id="目录">目录</h2>

<ul>
  <li><a href="#情绪的本质">情绪的本质</a></li>
  <li><a href="#情绪的三个维度">情绪的三个维度</a></li>
  <li><a href="#情绪是如何产生的">情绪是如何产生的？</a></li>
  <li><a href="#如何调整情绪">如何调整情绪？</a></li>
  <li><a href="#情绪来了怎么办">情绪来了怎么办？</a></li>
</ul>

<p><br /></p>

<p>那天我坐在窗前，突然意识到，我可以一边沉浸于晚风带来的温柔、惬意与自由，一边感受空气流动带来的氧气激活我的副交感神经，让身心得到放松。</p>

<p>这种双重感受的体验太丰满了，仿佛生命被延长了一倍。我想，既然积极情绪可以拥有多层体验，消极情绪是否也可以如此。情绪是不是就是这样被掌控的。</p>

<p>心理书上总教我们骑在情绪这头大象上，奈何像我这样躺在地上任一千头大象碾压而过的心理体质，操作起来实在有些为难。情绪到底是个什么东西，我一直很好奇。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="情绪的本质">情绪的本质</h2>

<p>读完《How Emotions Are Made》这本书，我懵懵懂懂了解到，<mark>情绪大概是大脑对内在感受的一种解读。</mark></p>

<p>我们的内在感受，是身体最直接的体验。比如，心脏砰砰跳、额头冒汗、四肢颤抖、恶心反胃。它们是身体在面对某些情境时，因激素变化而产生的生理反应。它们的目的，或许是为了让我们活下来，或许是为了繁衍后代。</p>

<p>从出生起，大脑就在与成长环境的互动中，逐渐习得与各种情境和感受对应的情绪概念（比如烦躁、伤心），并将情境、感受和概念紧密关联，打包存入记忆中。</p>

<p>当我们再次经历相似的情境和熟悉的生理反应时，大脑就会调取过往记忆，使用相关的情绪概念去理解、解释和描述当下的处境，为现实构建意义。</p>

<p>每个人的经历各不相同，脑中存储的概念、情境与感受也因此不同，因而体验到的情绪也不一样。</p>

<p>“人类的悲喜并不相通”，说到底这是一件非常正常且合理的事。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="情绪的三个维度">情绪的三个维度</h2>

<p>如果我们把情绪带来的感受拆分一下，可以发现它大概由三个维度构成。</p>

<p>首先，是愉悦度 （Valence）。你喜欢这种情绪吗？它让你感觉舒服还是难受？它是好情绪还是坏情绪，还是不好不坏的情绪？</p>

<p>其次，是唤醒度（Arousal）。你当时是激动的，还是平静的？这种情绪状态下身体的激活程度有多大？</p>

<p>再次，是控制感 （Dominance）。你对情绪的控制感有多大？你是在掌控情绪，还是被情绪带走？</p>

<p>这三个维度的不同组合构成了不同的情绪体验。比如：</p>

<ul>
  <li>不愉悦 + 高唤醒 + 高控制感 = 愤怒/厌恶</li>
  <li>不愉悦 + 高唤醒 + 低控制感 = 焦虑/恐惧</li>
  <li>不愉悦 + 低唤醒 + 高控制感 = 冷漠/疏离</li>
  <li>不愉悦 + 低唤醒 + 低控制感 = 抑郁/悲伤</li>
  <li>愉悦 + 高唤醒 + 高控制感 = 喜悦/骄傲</li>
  <li>愉悦 + 高唤醒 + 低控制感 = 迷恋/亢奋</li>
  <li>愉悦 + 低唤醒 + 高控制感 = 平静/满足</li>
  <li>愉悦 + 低唤醒 + 低控制感 = 放纵/依赖</li>
</ul>

<p>这三个维度可以帮助我们更精确地分析负面情绪。比如，有时候“感觉不好”，可能只是身体唤醒度不够，导致困乏无力。轻轻动动身子、提提神，情绪就会自然改善。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="情绪是如何产生的">情绪是如何产生的？</h2>

<p>我们都经历过这样的日子。同样的生活，同样的工作，面对身边同样的人，如果哪天睡得好、吃得好、状态好，会觉得一切都好、未来可期；如果哪天状态不好，哪怕一切没变，就会感觉生活一团糟、前途无望，要么忧心忡忡，要么垂头丧气。</p>

<p>这是因为大脑对身体状态的满意程度不同。</p>

<p>当身体状态良好、能量充足时，大脑就会安心让你维持现状。而当状态欠佳时，大脑会觉得难以应对当下，于是就会采取应对策略——要么分泌皮质醇、肾上腺素等能量激素，让你紧张起来，叫你去行动、去改变；要么让你保存体力、存储能量，让你什么都不想做，感到低落和无力。</p>

<p>焦虑和抑郁情绪就是这样产生的。当这种调节长期失衡，大脑一直无法有效调节身体的实际需要和外界的环境需求，就可能发展成焦虑症和抑郁症。</p>

<p>情绪的产生，本质上首先是一种生理状态。大脑会根据当前情境和身体状况，进行必要的生理调节。平时我们不容易察觉这些生理变化，只有当大脑将它们翻译成“情绪语言”时，我们才真正感受到心中的喜怒哀乐。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="如何调整情绪">如何调整情绪？</h2>

<p>根据情绪的产生机制，我们可以从两个角度来调整情绪：一是在情绪发生之前，改变大脑对身体状态的预测；二是在情绪发生后，改变大脑对身体状态的解读。</p>

<p>如果我们把身体照顾得很好，睡眠充足、吃得健康、规律运动，大脑是很难慌乱起来的。只要不是真正的生死危机，它会有条不紊地维持身体的日常节律。</p>

<p>睡眠、饮食、运动之所以重要，是因为它们支撑着我们最基本的身体预算。就像一片底蕴深厚、波澜不惊的大海，哪怕生活起风起浪，也难以动摇内在的安稳与力量。</p>

<p>如果情绪已经来袭，想要即时调整身体预算，不妨起身活动或出门走动。这样的行为可以促使大脑重新评估当前的身体状态，从而做出不一样的反应。</p>

<p>当人们深陷抑郁这样的负面情绪，大脑往往受困于旧有的负面思维，不断做出错误的身体预估。这种状态下，大脑似乎丧失了依据现实预估和调节身体的能力。</p>

<p>通过改变家居布局，旅行或搬家，换一个生活环境，刺激大脑重新预估当前的生存状态，有助于我们跳出情绪的困局，恢复对生活的感知与掌控。</p>

<p>我们还可以借助自然、历史、宇宙这些宏观视角，把自己从「自我」的概念中解离出来，跳出狭隘的自身视角，帮助大脑重新评估当下状况。</p>

<p>说说第二种情绪调整角度——通过改变大脑的解读方式来调节情绪，这其实并不复杂。</p>

<p>我们从小到大学习新知识的时候，一直都在接纳和学习新的概念。情绪概念的学习，本质上也遵循同样的路径。</p>

<p>如果我们希望大脑以不同的思维方式、概念和语言词汇来看待同一种感受，那么只需不断拓展自己的知识与体验，创造自己的表达方式，甚至尝试学习一门新的语言，像婴儿一样重新打开对世界的感知。</p>

<p>不同的情绪解读会带来不一样的体验。这种变化，有点像是剥离了大脑中过往概念与情境感受之间的自动联结，从而撼动固有的“情绪偏见”对当下真实感受的干扰。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="情绪来了怎么办">情绪来了怎么办？</h2>

<p>当我们感到任何不爽的时候，首先要做的是停下来察觉这股消极情绪，然后找出它的来源。</p>

<p>情绪的起因可能很简单。比如就是饿了、累了或困了，只要补充能量或者休息片刻，身体舒服起来，情绪自然也会好转。</p>

<p>有时候，情绪的起因可能是不友善的人际关系。这时，只需保护自己，远离负面刺激，心情也会慢慢平复。</p>

<p>情绪的起因也可能很复杂。比如成长经历中的心理创伤，从小形成的习惯性依恋模式，自我价值感的长期缺失等等。</p>

<p>对付心理创伤，我们需要把从小到大让我们印象深刻的回忆好好捋一遍，找到成长过程中没有消化好的情绪节点。如果想到某个时间点或某个具体事件时，情绪突然激动，这正是修复自我的契机。</p>

<p>没有无缘无故的情绪应激，每一次情绪的涌动和爆发，都有其缘由。如果能理清这股情绪的前因后果，该放下的放下，该行动的行动，就能摆脱旧有情绪包袱的控制。</p>

<p>我们都不愿主动踏进痛苦，沉浸在负面情绪里是很累的，但这是值得的。少一份过去的羁绊，我们才能更加轻盈和自由。</p>

<p>当情绪涉及亲密关系时，了解自己的依恋类型变得很重要。早年与主要照顾者——也就是第一个依恋对象——的关系，会影响我们成年后与他人的依恋模式。</p>

<p>心理学上对依恋类型有安全型（Secure）、回避型（Avoidant）、焦虑型（Anxious）和矛盾性（Disorganized）四种分类。</p>

<p>通过识别自己的依恋类型或依恋倾向，我们可以明白在与伴侣的互动中，某些情绪产生的深层心理机制，从而更加客观地评估事情的对错和行为的动机。</p>

<p>在处理完与他人的关系，我们还需要处理好与自己的关系。自我认同和自我价值感，是自我意识的基石，是我们存在的根本。</p>

<p><mark>不管我们每个人的外貌和能力如何，我们都应该找到认可自己的理由。</mark></p>

<p>很多头脑里的负面声音，其实都能追溯到自我诅咒的来源——可能源于一直无法释怀的错误归因，也可能源自成长中的某个人。我们需要创造一个新的声音与之对话、与它对抗、让它闭嘴。</p>

<p>只有停止内耗，大脑才能正确评估眼前状况，做出符合当下的调节，从而确保情绪的稳定与可控。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<p>初秋的夜晚，晚风轻拂，我感受到两种不一样的体验：一种是最诗意浪漫的感性，一种是最纯粹干净的理性。这或许就是用两种不同的思维和概念去解释同一种身体感受。</p>

<p>拥有这种双重视角后，我们在享受情绪带来的丰富的生命体验的同时，就不再害怕它被无限沉沦放大而变得失序、不可控，因为有一套理性的思维和概念在一旁守护。</p>

<p>归根结底，掌控情绪不是为了别人，不是为了变得“更好”，而是为了让内心世界更丰盛，让精神更自由。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[]]></summary><media:thumbnail xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/emotion.jpg" /><media:content medium="image" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/emotion.jpg" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" /></entry><entry><title type="html">信息时代如何提升专注能力？</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/26/focus.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="信息时代如何提升专注能力？" /><published>2025-09-26T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-09-26T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/26/focus</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/26/focus.html"><![CDATA[<p><br /></p>

<p>有两种形式的无法专注，一种总被外面信息干扰，一种总被内心想法打乱。</p>

<p>我们每个人在两岁左右的时候，大脑神经突触达到高峰，随后在成长环境的互动下，开始进行神经修剪和细化，逐渐形成自己的性格倾向。</p>

<p>一部分人更关注外部环境与人际互动，一部分人则更关注内在体验和情绪感受。</p>

<p>对于习惯将“传感器”向外投射的人来说，世界每时每刻都在发生新的故事，涌进新的信息，想让他们关闭“传感器”是一件非常困难的事。</p>

<p>对于习惯向内捕捉感受的人来说，脑子时不时就会冒出一些新的想法，或者闪现一些旧的记忆碎片。它们就像大脑的“后台系统”，不受你的控制。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="总被外界干扰无法专注">总被外界干扰无法专注</h2>

<p>如果你是第一种类型，想要专注的时候，总是无法控制自己“干这干那”的冲动。你可能尝试过一些看起来有点 silly 的约束自己的方法，但是效果甚微。这可能是因为你没有意识到无法专注的根本原因。</p>

<p>我们的神经网络有两种基本状态。一种是日常默认状态，一种是任务专注状态。</p>

<p>一般来说，我们要么在「默认神经状态」，要么在「任务神经状态」。这两种状态会在一天中来回自由切换，由多巴胺控制着彼此的“此消彼长”。</p>

<p>如果我们每时每刻都在关注外界信息，相当于强迫神经一直处于“任务状态”。那么，当我们想要真正“专注干点什么”的时候，人家已经累得很难为你工作了。</p>

<p>我们总是害怕空闲，生怕错过什么，不敢浪费时间，“无所事事”简直不可饶恕。殊不知，一直吸收那些或有用或没用的信息，会让我们难以全神贯注做真正想做的事。</p>

<p>每天留出适量的“放空时间”，让神经得到放松，可以让我们更专注、更高效。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<h2 id="总被想法打乱无法专注">总被想法打乱无法专注</h2>

<p>如果你是第二种无法专注的人，那么不需要断网，不需要将手机束之高阁，因为外界信息对你来说吸引力不大。我们需要 battle 的是自己“内心的心魔”。</p>

<p>对人类大脑来说，叫自己不去想正在想的东西，control the mind with the mind，是一件非常困难的事，就像催自己睡觉反而睡不着一样。</p>

<p>虽然有些老生常谈，但你可以尝试这种“召回思绪”的专注练习——冥想。不要把它放在睡前 4 小时。不需要坚持很久，把自己稳住 10 来分钟就行。可以关注呼吸，也可以把注意力放在前额叶（感觉更能定住自己）。每次想东想西的时候，就把思绪拉回来。</p>

<p>你还可以练习盯着身边某样物品，坚持 30 秒，把注意力放在它的外表、颜色、质感等，如果感觉很轻松，每天再多盯 5 秒。以此逐渐增强自己的专注能力。</p>

<p>以上都是经科学验证能改善注意力的练习，想要从整体上提升专注力，还应保证睡眠、饮食等基础身体素质。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<p>多巴胺是注意力的最初燃料，肾上腺素是专心做事的基础条件，外加控制聚焦的乙酰胆碱（acetylcholine），构成了专注的神经基础。</p>

<p>你可以为自己行医把脉，看看问题出在哪儿，缺啥补啥。动力不足就激发多巴胺调动热情，困乏无力就提高皮质醇和肾上腺素水平，让自己清醒、警觉起来。</p>

<p>另外，我们每人每天的注意力是有限的。一般情况下，持续工作学习最多 90 分钟后注意力就会打折。所以，长时间专注后，应该让自己至少放松 10 分钟（不要看手机或任何引起你聚焦的内容）。</p>

<p>每天留出至少一段完整专注的时间，不需要太贪心，最多三段“沉浸式专注”，就够你高效工作一整天了。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[]]></summary><media:thumbnail xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/focus.jpg" /><media:content medium="image" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/focus.jpg" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" /></entry><entry><title type="html">如何缓解紧张、焦虑和压力？</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/23/stress.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="如何缓解紧张、焦虑和压力？" /><published>2025-09-23T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-09-23T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/23/stress</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/23/stress.html"><![CDATA[<p><mark>焦虑，是一种对失败的自觉。</mark></p>

<p>当我们感到焦虑时，其实是身体对「想象中的失败」的一种反应状态。</p>

<p>当我们很累很饿，无法应对一项复杂工作时，我们会感到焦虑；当我们时间紧迫，无法完成一项限期工作时，我们会感到焦虑；当我们能力有限，无法胜任一项挑战性工作的时候，也会感到焦虑。</p>

<p><mark>焦虑是一种情绪，表明「内在的状态」无法应对「外在环境的要求」。</mark></p>

<p>我们感到焦虑或压力的时候，呼吸和心跳会加快，肾上腺素和皮质醇会分泌，会感到口渴并吞咽。这一系列的身体反应，都是远古时代人们遇到野兽袭击时，产生的一系列“战斗或逃跑反应” (fight or flight response)。</p>

<p>为快速做出反应，我们的神经会处于一种高度警觉的状态。这就是压力的产生机制。</p>

<p>压力分为三种：短期压力、中期压力、长期压力。</p>

<h2 id="短期压力">短期压力</h2>

<p>短期压力，可以理解为“即时压力”。它不是漫漫无期，也不是无法掌控的。比如，搞定某件有点 tough 的事。<mark>这种短暂且可控的压力，对我们是有好处的。</mark></p>

<p>一直处于没压力的“神仙环境”，对免疫系统是不利的。时不时给自己点压力，能刺激身体分泌肾上腺素，让我们更好地应对细菌/病毒感染。</p>

<p>短期压力还能刺激皮质醇的分泌，让大脑和身体处于更清醒、更有活力的状态，提升我们的专注能力。</p>

<p>所以，哪怕你的生活很安逸、完全没压力，为了一个更好的身体状态，也不妨给自己找些“压力”，让生活更挑战、更有意思。</p>

<h2 id="中期压力">中期压力</h2>

<p>持续数天数周的压力，可以看成中期压力。这可以是准备一次考试，也可以是一个项目周期。</p>

<p>“中期压力”在大多数人的生活中，是不可避免的。生活会传送意外，我们会遇到这样或那样的“麻烦事”。有些人能从容面对，有些人感到无法承受。</p>

<p>这是因为我们每个人对压力的承受力不一样。如果你因为持续的压力，在一件小事上做出超出“合理”的反应，大概率就处在压力临界值状态——你已经无法再承受哪怕再多一点点的压力了。</p>

<p>还好，我们可以通过不断练习，提高自己对压力的“承受阈值”。这样，不必经受生活的拷打，就可以让自己变得更坚韧。</p>

<p>压力来临，在肾上腺素的作用下，我们的身体会经受一系列激烈的生理反应（心跳加速、血压升高等），与此同时，我们会感到恐慌和焦虑不安。</p>

<p><mark>我们需要练习把这两种反应，即「身体反应」和「心理反应」分离开来。</mark></p>

<p>通过主动让身体分泌肾上腺素（如运动、洗冷水澡、看恐怖电影），同时安抚自己，让自己头脑冷静、情绪稳定，可以让自己不断习惯和适应激烈的生理变化，从而提高承受压力的能力。</p>

<h2 id="长期压力">长期压力</h2>

<p>长期压力（或者说慢性压力）的一个明显特征，就是已经影响睡眠。<mark>长期压力是有害的。</mark></p>

<p>如果你感到一种长期存在且漫漫无期、无法改变的压力，为了身体健康，应该尽快远离引起压力的环境，切断“压力源”。</p>

<p>缓解长期压力，除了睡眠、饮食、运动这些老生常谈的“养生手法”，还有人与人的联结。</p>

<p>社交活动能分泌<strong>血清素</strong>。这包括人与人的联结，人与动物的联结，甚至人与（拟人）物品的联结。</p>

<p>亲密关系，包括亲子关系、两性关系，以及充分信任和深度理解的人际关系，都能分泌<strong>催产素</strong>。</p>

<p>与人相处不仅能分泌这些让我们感到愉悦的激素，还能避免我们进入“与世隔绝”的状态。</p>

<p>完全的社交孤立会让身体产生有害的激素（Tachykinin），它会让我们恐惧/易怒/偏执，并损害免疫系统。</p>

<h2 id="缓解焦虑">缓解焦虑</h2>

<p>对人体来说，交感神经相当于“踩油门系统”，副交感神经相当于“踩刹车系统”。</p>

<p>焦虑的本质在于，交感神经被过度激活。想要放松下来，就需要发挥<strong>副交感神经</strong>的作用。</p>

<p>深呼吸，就是靠激活副交感神经来缓解焦虑和紧张的。虽然这是个老套的方法，却有它的科学原理。</p>

<p><strong>吸气时</strong>，心肺扩张、血流放慢，心脏把这一信号传送给大脑，大脑随之唤醒<strong>交感神经</strong>，让心跳加速。</p>

<p><strong>呼气时</strong>，心肺收缩、血流加快，心脏把这一信号传递给大脑，大脑随即激活<strong>副交感神经</strong>，让心跳慢下来。</p>

<p>根据这一原理，吸入充足氧气（深呼吸）后，会带出长长的呼气时间。<strong>呼气大于吸气</strong>，副交感神经被激活的频率大大提升。你会逐渐感到放松。</p>

<p>当我们哭泣时，会出现急促短暂的吸气，并伴随长长的、断断续续的呼气（你可以模拟想象一下自己是怎么哭的^_^）。这种呼吸模式就是为了缓解紧张/激动的情绪。</p>

<p>同样，在睡觉时，呼气时间也会延长。你不妨在脑海中浮现那舒缓的呼噜声，甚至飘着几串“zzz”。</p>

<p><br /></p>

<p>焦虑、紧张和压力，是我们人生必经的课题。当身体被过度激活时，如何及时“刹车”，是一项我们需要不断学习和练习的生活技能。</p>

<p><br /></p>
<hr />

<p>Learned from Podcast from Andrew Huberman: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntfcfJ28eiU&amp;t=5742s" target="_blank">Tools for Managing Stress &amp; Anxiety<a></a></a></p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[焦虑，是一种对失败的自觉。]]></summary><media:thumbnail xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/stress.jpg" /><media:content medium="image" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/stress.jpg" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" /></entry><entry><title type="html">如何利用多巴胺解决拖延、懒散和没动力？</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/dopamine.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="如何利用多巴胺解决拖延、懒散和没动力？" /><published>2025-09-15T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-09-15T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/dopamine</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/dopamine.html"><![CDATA[<p><img src="/images/2025/dopamine.jpg" alt="cover" /></p>

<h2 id="目录">目录</h2>

<ul>
  <li><a href="#为什么兴奋完后会感到空虚">为什么兴奋完后会感到空虚？</a></li>
  <li><a href="#多巴胺是如何让你成瘾的">多巴胺是如何让你成瘾的？</a></li>
  <li><a href="#为什么要小心把兴趣当饭吃">为什么要小心把兴趣“当饭吃”？</a></li>
  <li><a href="#如何利用多巴胺摆脱拖延">如何利用多巴胺摆脱拖延？</a></li>
</ul>

<p><br /></p>

<p>最近，我感觉自己多巴胺分泌不足。</p>

<p>这还要源于我发现自己是“回避型人格”说起。从小到大，我一直对外在世界表现得“漠不关心”（手机上瘾对我来说不存在的，老娘根本不关心外面发生什么），习惯性沉溺在内在感受里（我说我对痛苦的感受程度比别人多嘛）。</p>

<p>于是，分泌血清素这类在乎内在感受的激素对我来说“轻车熟路”，而分泌多巴胺这种外在奖励激素，对我的神经来说有些陌生。</p>

<p>于是，我最近在学习如何提高自己体内的多巴胺分泌水平。然后，我就发现多巴胺不止是“快乐激素”那么简单，深究起来可以解释很多行为，比如上瘾、拖延，甚至可以上升到整个人生体验。</p>

<h2 id="为什么兴奋完后会感到空虚">为什么兴奋完后会感到空虚？</h2>

<p>多巴胺可不是随随便便让你快乐的，每一份快乐背后都有痛苦的代价。</p>

<p>我们在设定目标并努力达成的“高光时刻”，大脑会分泌大量多巴胺递质，我们感到很爽。</p>

<p>可是，在感受完快乐的瞬间，紧接着我们会体会到痛苦。这种痛苦可能表现为多种形式，比如无聊、空虚。<mark>这是因为我们在“高光时刻”分泌太多的多巴胺，导致随后一阵子体内多巴胺水平太低。</mark></p>

<p>为了缓解这种痛苦，我们会不断地追逐更高更远的目标。这就是欲望的产生机制。</p>

<p>欲望不仅仅是追逐快乐，也是缓解痛苦。</p>

<h2 id="多巴胺是如何让你成瘾的">多巴胺是如何让你成瘾的？</h2>

<p>多巴胺不只是在欲望得到满足时分泌，还在期待中产生。</p>

<p>当我们在脑海里想象拥有某样东西，或实现某个目标的时候，我们会分泌多巴胺并感到兴奋。对多巴胺来说，快乐和痛苦是先后成对出现的。这种脑 high 会带来随后某种程度的痛苦，并化身为一种“意识到自己想要却不拥有”的渴求。</p>

<p>于是，为了缓解期待带来的痛苦，我们会付出行动去追求实现目标带来的快乐。所谓的动力，就是这样形成的。在每一次完成目标，并经历了更大的快乐和痛苦后，多巴胺又会催促我们期待下一次更“刺激”的行动。</p>

<p>这种不知不觉中无止境的循环，可以是事业成功的无穷动力，也可以是成瘾的罪魁祸首。</p>

<h2 id="为什么要小心把兴趣当饭吃">为什么要小心把兴趣“当饭吃”？</h2>

<p>我们在享受一件事情的时候，大脑会分泌多巴胺。我们沉浸其中，忘了时间。我们享受这个生命过程，不论有没有结果。</p>

<p>如果我们硬要给“用爱发电”加上额外的奖励（比如收入、名声），结果会怎么样呢？很多时候，这些“身外之物”不仅没法给我们加油，反而可能消耗我们的热情。</p>

<p>这是因为，如果我们为原本积极健康的正反馈，多加了一些额外奖励，我们确实会感到更多的愉悦。但同时，我们也需要忍受更深的“多巴胺低谷”。这会导致我们失去原本做事的乐趣。</p>

<p>这意味着，当孩子对某门功课感兴趣，你如果“为了他好”，画蛇添足地给予多余的奖励，让他兴奋过度，<mark>这可能导致他失去原有享受这门功课的乐趣。</mark></p>

<h2 id="如何利用多巴胺摆脱拖延">如何利用多巴胺摆脱拖延？</h2>

<p>我们在动力不足的时候，会潜意识地利用 deadline 形成的压力和焦虑，来调动脑力和体力全身心投入完成一件事。这就形成了拖延。</p>

<p>拖延来源于“被动的等待”。想尽快从消极状态中走出来，需要主动出击。尽管消极怠慢的状态很“没劲”，<mark>但主动去做一些“更没劲的事”，可以让自己更快回血。</mark></p>

<p>这是因为，动力不足来源于体内多巴胺分泌不足。我们需要尽快让它恢复到正常水平，而<mark>多巴胺水平下降得越快，就越容易恢复正常。</mark>主动让自己更“难受”，而不是去找乐子，等于让多巴胺水平下降得更快。</p>

<p>从事一些“稍稍费劲”的事，比如打扫卫生、洗个衣服、出门动一下，或者任何当下不太渴望和享受去做的事，从而获得完成一件哪怕再小的事情带来的成就感，就能带你更快走出原本消极的状态。</p>

<p>叔本华说，“人生有如钟摆，摆动于痛苦和无聊之间”。我们在追逐一样东西的时候，不仅仅是为了追寻快乐，也是为了结束痛苦。</p>

<p>希望我们都能建立良好的多巴胺反馈，过上自己想要的生活。</p>

<p><br /></p>
<hr />

<p>Learned from Podcast from Andrew Huberman: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-TW2Chpz4k&amp;t=3045s" target="_blank">Leverage Dopamine to Overcome Procrastination &amp; Optimize Effort<a></a></a></p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[]]></summary><media:thumbnail xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/dopamine.jpg" /><media:content medium="image" url="https://wangshuihua.com/images/2025/dopamine.jpg" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/" /></entry><entry><title type="html">Superlinear Returns (by Paul Graham)</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/Superlinear-Returns.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="Superlinear Returns (by Paul Graham)" /><published>2025-09-15T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-09-15T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/Superlinear-Returns</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/15/Superlinear-Returns.html"><![CDATA[<p>主要想记录下自己标注的重点。<a target="_blank;" href="https://paulgraham.com/superlinear.html">原文</a>。</p>

<h2 id="目录">目录</h2>

<ul>
  <li><a href="#1">1</a></li>
  <li><a href="#2">2</a></li>
  <li><a href="#3">3</a></li>
  <li><a href="#4">4</a></li>
  <li><a href="#5">5</a></li>
  <li><a href="#6">6</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 id="1">1</h2>

<p>One of the most important things I didn’t understand about the world when I was a child is the degree to which the returns for performance are superlinear.</p>

<p>Teachers and coaches implicitly told us the returns were linear. “You get out,” I heard a thousand times, “what you put in.” They meant well, but this is rarely true. <mark>If your product is only half as good as your competitor's, you don't get half as many customers. You get no customers, and you go out of business.</mark></p>

<p>It’s obviously true that the returns for performance are superlinear in business. Some think this is a flaw of capitalism, and that if we changed the rules it would stop being true. But superlinear returns for performance are a feature of the world, not an artifact of rules we’ve invented. We see the same pattern in fame, power, military victories, knowledge, and even benefit to humanity. In all of these, the rich get richer. [1]</p>

<p>You can’t understand the world without understanding the concept of superlinear returns. And if you’re ambitious you definitely should, because this will be the wave you surf on.</p>

<h2 id="2">2</h2>

<p>It may seem as if there are a lot of different situations with superlinear returns, but as far as I can tell they reduce to two fundamental causes: <mark>exponential growth and thresholds</mark>.</p>

<p>The most obvious case of superlinear returns is when you’re working on something that grows exponentially. For example, growing bacterial cultures. When they grow at all, they grow exponentially. But they’re tricky to grow. Which means the difference in outcome between someone who’s adept at it and someone who’s not is very great.</p>

<p>Startups can also grow exponentially, and we see the same pattern there. Some manage to achieve high growth rates. Most don’t. And as a result you get qualitatively different outcomes: the companies with high growth rates tend to become immensely valuable, while the ones with lower growth rates may not even survive.</p>

<p>Y Combinator encourages founders <mark>to focus on growth rate</mark> rather than absolute numbers. It prevents them from being discouraged early on, when the absolute numbers are still low. It also helps them decide what to focus on: you can use growth rate as a compass to tell you how to evolve the company. But the main advantage is that <mark>by focusing on growth rate you tend to get something that grows exponentially.</mark></p>

<p>YC doesn’t explicitly tell founders that with growth rate “you get out what you put in,” but it’s not far from the truth. And if growth rate were proportional to performance, then the reward for performance p over time t would be proportional to pt.</p>

<p>Even after decades of thinking about this, I find that sentence startling.</p>

<p><mark>Whenever how well you do depends on how well you've done</mark>, you’ll get exponential growth. But neither our DNA nor our customs prepare us for it. No one finds exponential growth natural; every child is surprised, the first time they hear it, by the story of the man who asks the king for a single grain of rice the first day and double the amount each successive day.</p>

<p>What we don’t understand naturally we develop customs to deal with, but we don’t have many customs about exponential growth either, because there have been so few instances of it in human history. In principle herding should have been one: the more animals you had, the more offspring they’d have. But in practice grazing land was the limiting factor, and there was no plan for growing that exponentially.</p>

<p>Or more precisely, no generally applicable plan. There was a way to grow one’s territory exponentially: by conquest. The more territory you control, the more powerful your army becomes, and the easier it is to conquer new territory. This is why history is full of empires. But so few people created or ran empires that their experiences didn’t affect customs very much. The emperor was a remote and terrifying figure, not a source of lessons one could use in one’s own life.</p>

<p>The most common case of exponential growth in preindustrial times was probably scholarship. The more you know, the easier it is to learn new things. The result, then as now, was that some people were startlingly more knowledgeable than the rest about certain topics. But this didn’t affect customs much either. Although empires of ideas can overlap and there can thus be far more emperors, in preindustrial times this type of empire had little practical effect. [2]</p>

<p>That has changed in the last few centuries. Now the emperors of ideas can design bombs that defeat the emperors of territory. But this phenomenon is still so new that we haven’t fully assimilated it. Few even of the participants realize they’re benefitting from exponential growth or ask what they can learn from other instances of it.</p>

<p>The other source of superlinear returns is embodied in the expression “winner take all.” In a sports match the relationship between performance and return is a step function: the winning team gets one win whether they do much better or just slightly better. [3]</p>

<p>The source of the step function is not competition per se, however. It’s that there are thresholds in the outcome. You don’t need competition to get those. <mark>There can be thresholds in situations where you're the only participant</mark>, like proving a theorem or hitting a target.</p>

<p>It’s remarkable how often a situation with one source of superlinear returns also has the other. <mark>Crossing thresholds leads to exponential growth</mark>: the winning side in a battle usually suffers less damage, which makes them more likely to win in the future. And <mark>exponential growth helps you cross thresholds</mark>: in a market with network effects, a company that grows fast enough can shut out potential competitors.</p>

<p>Fame is an interesting example of a phenomenon that combines both sources of superlinear returns. Fame grows exponentially because existing fans bring you new ones. But the fundamental reason it’s so concentrated is thresholds: there’s only so much room on the A-list in the average person’s head.</p>

<p>The most important case combining both sources of superlinear returns may be learning. Knowledge grows exponentially, but there are also thresholds in it. Learning to ride a bicycle, for example. Some of these thresholds are akin to <mark>machine tools</mark>: once you learn to read, you’re able to learn anything else much faster. But the most important thresholds of all are those <mark>representing new discoveries</mark>. Knowledge seems to be fractal in the sense that if you push hard at the boundary of one area of knowledge, you sometimes discover a whole new field. And if you do, you get first crack at all the new discoveries to be made in it. Newton did this, and so did Durer and Darwin.</p>

<h2 id="3">3</h2>

<p>Are there general rules for finding situations with superlinear returns? <mark>The most obvious one is to seek work that compounds.</mark></p>

<p>There are two ways work can compound. It can compound directly, in the sense that <mark>doing well in one cycle causes you to do better in the next</mark>. That happens for example when you’re building infrastructure, or growing an audience or brand. Or work can compound by teaching you, since learning compounds. This second case is an interesting one because <mark>you may feel you're doing badly as it's happening</mark>. You may be failing to achieve your immediate goal. <mark>But if you're learning a lot</mark>, then you’re getting exponential growth nonetheless.</p>

<p>This is one reason Silicon Valley is so tolerant of failure. People in Silicon Valley aren’t blindly tolerant of failure. They’ll only continue to bet on you if you’re learning from your failures. But if you are, you are in fact a good bet: maybe your company didn’t grow the way you wanted, but you yourself have, and that should yield results eventually.</p>

<p>Indeed, the forms of exponential growth that don’t consist of learning are so often intermixed with it that we should probably treat this as the rule rather than the exception. Which yields another heuristic: <mark>always be learning</mark>. If you’re not learning, you’re probably not on a path that leads to superlinear returns.</p>

<p>But <mark>don't overoptimize what you're learning</mark>. Don’t limit yourself to learning things that are already known to be valuable. You’re learning; you don’t know for sure yet what’s going to be valuable, and if you’re too strict you’ll lop off the outliers.</p>

<p>What about step functions? Are there also useful heuristics of the form “seek thresholds” or “seek competition?” Here the situation is trickier. The existence of a threshold doesn’t guarantee the game will be worth playing. If you play a round of Russian roulette, you’ll be in a situation with a threshold, certainly, but in the best case you’re no better off. “Seek competition” is similarly useless; what if the prize isn’t worth competing for? Sufficiently fast exponential growth guarantees both the shape and magnitude of the return curve — because something that grows fast enough will grow big even if it’s trivially small at first — but <mark>thresholds only guarantee the shape</mark>. [4]</p>

<p><mark>A principle for taking advantage of thresholds has to include a test to ensure the game is worth playing</mark>. Here’s one that does: if you come across something that’s mediocre yet still popular, it could be a good idea to replace it. For example, if a company makes a product that people dislike yet still buy, then presumably they’d buy a better alternative if you made one. [5]</p>

<p>It would be great if there were a way to find promising intellectual thresholds. Is there a way to tell which questions have whole new fields beyond them? I doubt we could ever predict this with certainty, but the prize is so valuable that it would be useful to have predictors that were even a little better than random, and there’s hope of finding those. We can to some degree predict when a research problem isn’t likely to lead to new discoveries: when it seems legit but boring. Whereas the kind that do lead to new discoveries tend to seem <mark>very mystifying, but perhaps unimportant</mark>. (If they were mystifying and obviously important, they’d be famous open questions with lots of people already working on them.) So one heuristic here is to be <mark>driven by curiosity rather than careerism</mark> — to give free rein to your curiosity instead of working on what you’re supposed to.</p>

<h2 id="4">4</h2>

<p>The prospect of superlinear returns for performance is an exciting one for the ambitious. And there’s good news in this department: this territory is expanding in both directions.</p>

<p><mark>There are more types of work in which you can get superlinear returns, and the returns themselves are growing.</mark></p>

<p>There are two reasons for this, though they’re so closely intertwined that they’re more like one and a half: <mark>progress in technology, and the decreasing importance of organizations.</mark></p>

<p>Fifty years ago it used to be much more necessary to be part of an organization to work on ambitious projects. It was the only way to get the resources you needed, the only way to have colleagues, and the only way to get distribution. So in 1970 your prestige was in most cases the prestige of the organization you belonged to. And prestige was an accurate predictor, because if you weren’t part of an organization, you weren’t likely to achieve much. There were a handful of exceptions, most notably artists and writers, who worked alone using inexpensive tools and had their own brands. But even they were at the mercy of organizations for reaching audiences. [6]</p>

<p>A world dominated by organizations damped variation in the returns for performance. But this world has eroded significantly just in my lifetime. Now a lot more people can have the freedom that artists and writers had in the 20th century. There are lots of ambitious projects that don’t require much initial funding, and lots of new ways to learn, make money, find colleagues, and reach audiences.</p>

<p>There’s still plenty of the old world left, but the rate of change has been dramatic by historical standards. Especially considering what’s at stake. It’s hard to imagine a more fundamental change than one in the returns for performance.</p>

<p>Without the damping effect of institutions, there will be more variation in outcomes. Which doesn’t imply everyone will be better off: <mark>people who do well will do even better, but those who do badly will do worse.</mark> That’s an important point to bear in mind. Exposing oneself to superlinear returns is not for everyone. Most people will be better off as part of the pool. So who should shoot for superlinear returns? Ambitious people of two types: those who know they’re so good that they’ll be net ahead in a world with higher variation, and those, particularly the young, who can afford to risk trying it to find out. [7]</p>

<p>[7] In principle everyone is getting superlinear returns. Learning compounds, and everyone learns in the course of their life. <mark>But in practice few push this kind of everyday learning to the point where the return curve gets really steep.</mark></p>

<p>The switch away from institutions won’t simply be an exodus of their current inhabitants. Many of the new winners will be people they’d never have let in. So the resulting democratization of opportunity will be both greater and more authentic than any tame intramural version the institutions themselves might have cooked up.</p>

<h2 id="5">5</h2>

<p>Not everyone is happy about this great unlocking of ambition. It threatens some vested interests and contradicts some ideologies. [8] But if you’re an ambitious individual it’s good news for you. How should you take advantage of it?</p>

<p>The most obvious way to take advantage of superlinear returns for performance is <mark>by doing exceptionally good work</mark>. At the far end of the curve, incremental effort is a bargain. All the more so because there’s less competition at the far end — and not just for the obvious reason that it’s hard to do something exceptionally well, but also because people find the prospect so intimidating that few even try. Which means it’s not just a bargain to do exceptional work, but a bargain even to try to.</p>

<p>There are many variables that affect how good your work is, and if you want to be an outlier you need to get nearly all of them right. For example, to do something exceptionally well, you have to be interested in it. Mere diligence is not enough. So in a world with superlinear returns, it’s even more valuable to know what you’re interested in, and to find ways to work on it. [9] It will also be important to choose work that suits your circumstances. For example, if there’s a kind of work that inherently requires a huge expenditure of time and energy, it will be increasingly valuable to do it when you’re young and don’t yet have children.</p>

<p>There’s a surprising amount of technique to doing great work. It’s not just a matter of trying hard. I’m going to take a shot giving a recipe in one paragraph.</p>

<p>Choose work you have a <mark>natural aptitude</mark> for and a <mark>deep interest</mark> in. <mark>Develop a habit of working on your own projects</mark>; it doesn’t matter what they are so long as you find them <mark>excitingly ambitious</mark>. <mark>Work as hard as you can without burning out</mark>, and this will eventually bring you to one of the frontiers of knowledge. These look smooth from a distance, but up close they’re full of gaps. <mark>Notice and explore such gaps</mark>, and if you’re lucky one will expand into a whole new field. Take as much risk as you can afford; <mark>if you're not failing occasionally you're probably being too conservative.</mark> Seek out the best colleagues. Develop good taste and learn from the best examples. Be honest, especially with yourself. <mark>Exercise and eat and sleep well</mark> and avoid the more dangerous drugs. When in doubt, <mark>follow your curiosity</mark>. It never lies, and it knows more than you do about what’s worth paying attention to. [10]</p>

<p>And there is of course one other thing you need: to be lucky. Luck is always a factor, but it’s even more of a factor when you’re working on your own rather than as part of an organization. And though there are some valid aphorisms about luck being where preparedness meets opportunity and so on, there’s also a component of true chance that you can’t do anything about. <mark>The solution is to take multiple shots.</mark> Which is another reason to start taking risks early.</p>

<h2 id="6">6</h2>

<p>The best example of a field with superlinear returns is probably science. It has exponential growth, in the form of learning, combined with thresholds at the extreme edge of performance — literally at the limits of knowledge.</p>

<p>The result has been a level of inequality in scientific discovery that makes the wealth inequality of even the most stratified societies seem mild by comparison. Newton’s discoveries were arguably greater than all his contemporaries’ combined. [11]</p>

<p>This point may seem obvious, but it might be just as well to spell it out. Superlinear returns imply inequality. The steeper the return curve, the greater the variation in outcomes.</p>

<p>In fact, the correlation between superlinear returns and inequality is so strong that it yields another heuristic for finding work of this type: <mark>look for fields where a few big winners outperform everyone else.</mark> A kind of work where everyone does about the same is unlikely to be one with superlinear returns.</p>

<p>What are fields where a few big winners outperform everyone else? Here are some obvious ones: sports, politics, art, music, acting, directing, writing, math, science, starting companies, and investing. In sports the phenomenon is due to externally imposed thresholds; you only need to be a few percent faster to win every race. In politics, power grows much as it did in the days of emperors. And in some of the other fields (including politics) success is driven largely by fame, which has its own source of superlinear growth. But when we exclude sports and politics and the effects of fame, a remarkable pattern emerges: the remaining list is exactly the same as the list of fields where you have to be independent-minded to succeed — where your ideas have to be not just correct, but novel as well. [12]</p>

<p>This is obviously the case in science. You can’t publish papers saying things that other people have already said. But it’s just as true in investing, for example. It’s only useful to believe that a company will do well if most other investors don’t; if everyone else thinks the company will do well, then its stock price will already reflect that, and there’s no room to make money.</p>

<p>What else can we learn from these fields? In all of them you have to put in the initial effort. Superlinear returns seem small at first. <mark>At this rate, you find yourself thinking, I'll never get anywhere.</mark> But because the reward curve rises so steeply at the far end, it’s worth taking extraordinary measures to get there.</p>

<p>In the startup world, the name for this principle is “do things that don’t scale.” If you <mark>pay a ridiculous amount of attention to your tiny initial set of customers,</mark> ideally you’ll kick off exponential growth by word of mouth. But this same principle applies to anything that grows exponentially. Learning, for example. When you first start learning something, you feel lost. But it’s worth making the initial effort to get a toehold, because the more you learn, the easier it will get.</p>

<p>There’s another more subtle lesson in the list of fields with superlinear returns: not to equate work with a job. For most of the 20th century the two were identical for nearly everyone, and as a result we’ve inherited a custom that equates productivity with having a job. Even now to most people the phrase “your work” means their job. But to a writer or artist or scientist it means whatever they’re currently studying or creating. For someone like that, their work is something they carry with them from job to job, if they have jobs at all. It may be done for an employer, but it’s part of their portfolio.</p>

<h2 id="7">7</h2>

<p>It’s an intimidating prospect to enter a field where a few big winners outperform everyone else. Some people do this deliberately, but you don’t need to. If you <mark>have sufficient natural ability and you follow your curiosity sufficiently far</mark>, you’ll end up in one. Your curiosity won’t let you be interested in boring questions, and interesting questions tend to create fields with superlinear returns if they’re not already part of one.</p>

<p>The territory of superlinear returns is by no means static. Indeed, the most extreme returns come from expanding it. So while both ambition and curiosity can get you into this territory, <mark>curiosity may be the more powerful</mark> of the two. Ambition tends to make you climb existing peaks, but if you stick close enough to an interesting enough question, <mark>it may grow into a mountain beneath you</mark>.</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[主要想记录下自己标注的重点。原文。]]></summary></entry><entry><title type="html">人应该如何平衡「对孤独的恐惧」与「对自由的向往」?</title><link href="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/13/loneliness-freedom.html" rel="alternate" type="text/html" title="人应该如何平衡「对孤独的恐惧」与「对自由的向往」?" /><published>2025-09-13T04:29:00+00:00</published><updated>2025-09-13T04:29:00+00:00</updated><id>https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/13/loneliness-freedom</id><content type="html" xml:base="https://wangshuihua.com/2025/09/13/loneliness-freedom.html"><![CDATA[<p>写下这个标题的时候，我感觉这个问题太大了，以至于最好有根烟在手上。</p>

<p>生活中大部分的“不如意”，都是由于无法平衡「孤独」和「自由」之间的矛盾。</p>

<p>人从青春期开始就会踏上一条渴望自我与自由的“不归路”。不管是从小家长制的过度保护，还是人天性中对自由的渴望，“反叛之心”是人的精神内核之一。这种“自由精神”随着社会化的进程，可能会掩埋得很深，但永远不会消失。</p>

<p>绝对的自由，意味着精神和物质上完全的自处和自给自足。这在现实中是几乎不能实现的，这意味着放弃太多“为人”的快乐，也违背了人进化成社会化动物的生物本性。</p>

<p>你当然可以不管不顾，追求极致的个体化自由。只是，人的身体、特别是大脑中各种激素和神经网络的设计，人的一切生理条件，都不是为完全的“独身世外”准备的。</p>

<p>这从根本上解释了，人为什么会千方百计地踏入婚姻与家庭，又会奋不顾身地从中挣脱。围城内外的生活没有绝对的好坏，只有孤独和自由间的平衡。</p>

<p>人在过度追求自由的过程中，不仅会被孤独吞噬，还会不可避免地忍受物质的匮乏。这源于经济活动的本质是，人与人的交换。如果为了自由，拒绝与他人产生一切联系，终将难逃贫穷。</p>

<p>如何让自己与他人保持远距离的间接互动，可以让自己在不丧失大部分自由的同时，完成与他人的交换，获得物质保障。想要同时拥有精神自由和物质富足，就需要努力提高自己从这种间接互动中达成交换的能力。</p>

<p>从人际关系到经济活动，人的状态都取决于“自由与孤独”两者间的平衡。如果视角再大一点，从历史和时空的角度，我们会看到更抽象宽广的精神画面。</p>

<p>纯粹自由的「个人主义」会让人没有可依托的历史、信仰和精神大地，让人在茫茫宇宙中看到自身的渺小和无力，从而感受到深层而本质的孤独。</p>

<p>这就解释了，人们为什么会牺牲自由，依附用以获得物质保证的群体和组织，迷恋可以获得精神庇护的的信仰和传统。换句话说，人在潜意识里是害怕“绝对自由”的，会无意识地逃避自由。</p>

<p>那些抱怨不自由的人，其实一开始就因恐惧孤独而放弃了自由；那些抱怨孤独的人，也是一开始就为了自由，放弃了人与人的联结。</p>

<p>不同的人，不同的人生阶段，将产生不同的“自由与孤独”的平衡点。我们这一生能否完全为“自己的幸福”而活，能否为自己的人生负责，取决于内心深处对孤独与自由，对得与失的平衡。</p>]]></content><author><name>Sherry</name></author><summary type="html"><![CDATA[写下这个标题的时候，我感觉这个问题太大了，以至于最好有根烟在手上。]]></summary></entry></feed>